Yoda: Jedi or Asshole?

Greetings all!  This is my very first blog posting, and the question I received for it comes from Mr. P, and I have to say, it’s quite an interesting one.  Mr. P writes:

Dear DM,

This is something that has always bothered me. Was YODA a sith, and or under sith influence late in his life on Dagobah? I ask because in the earlier episodes he preaches to Jedi in the temple that ‘Only a sith deals in absolutes’ while in Empire he directly tells Luke ‘Do or do not, there is no try.’ the two conversations have haunted me for a while now and I would like your wise, wise thoughts…

-Mr. P

Dear Mr. P,

Thanks for taking the time to write!  This question is one which deserves careful consideration.  Having been a Star Wars Game Master for over a decade, and having spent at least 500 hours of my life watching Star Wars films, I feel confident that my answer is the best one you will ever get, and pretty close to flawless.

First, it should be noted that “Only a Sith deals in absolutes,” was actually said by Obi-Wan, so Yoda wasn’t contradicting himself with this one, but if we delve a little deeper, we will see that Yoda and Obi-Wan were both full of suspicious statements, as well as actions.  Obi-Wan, simply by uttering the absolute word “only”, contradicted himself, and basically can’t ever be taken seriously again.  Obi-Wan has other absolute statements though:

“You will NEVER find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.”
“The Force will be with you. ALWAYS.”

I mean, come on Obi-Wan, think before you speak.  But really, Obi-Wan was just misguided.  He had good intentions, but he learned from the worst: Yoda.

Yoda says and does some pretty strange things that blatantly give away his true desires.  When we first meet him, he does his best to deceive Luke and hide his identity.  Then he has a big hissy fit with Obi-Wan’s ghost and tries to weasel his way out of training Luke.  Luke Skywalker: last hope for the Galaxy, and Yoda doesn’t want to train him?  If that doesn’t send up some red flags, I don’t know what does.

Then he finally begins training Luke, and he’s basically a little douche the whole time saying crap like, “That is why you fail,” and “There is no try.”  He obviously doesn’t understand the concept of positive reinforcement, but when you’re abstinent for 900 years, you tend to turn into an ass.

 
Yoda talking trash to Luke.  Look at that smug little bastard.

The next point that I see as extremely important is the deaths of the Jedi.  Both Yoda and Obi-Wan dissolve into the Universe to achieve some pseudo-immortality.  Aren’t Jedi not supposed to have attachments?  Aren’t they always whining about the Sith trying to achieve immortality, and how unnatural it is?  Seems like more hypocrisy to me.  Qui-Gon didn’t disappear, and he was a total badass.  And Darth Vader killed the Emperor and saved Luke’s life, so obviously Vader turned out good in the end, and whose ghost do we get at the end of Jedi?  Whiny baby, teenage Anakin.  Nobody liked him, why does he get to be immortal in his ghost-hood?  Because only jerks become ghosts.

So what were Yoda’s true plans?  I don’t believe he was ever a Sith or anything close to it, but he wasn’t a Jedi in the end.  Clearly, Yoda’s only desire was to be left the hell alone in his filthy swamp.  He skipped out on the galaxy, and left Obi-Wan to clean up the mess.  Yoda was a selfish little bastard that only wanted some snacks and a lamp out of Luke.

Best Regards,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Dungeon Master
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2 Responses to Yoda: Jedi or Asshole?

  1. skunkape says:

    well…it isn’t easy being green…

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