Everyone has AIDS!

A poor soul writes to us this week with a very unfortunate problem:

Dear DM,

I think my character has AIDS. How do you recommend a half-elf deals with the heavy medication schedule that HIV requires (especially considering that in this quest water is not readily available).

Dear Person,

First, I’d like to offer my condolences; AIDS sucks. Second, if you actually do have AIDS, your DM is a total dick. Also, since you don’t specify, I’m going to assume for this answer that you’re playing D&D.

Let’s begin with the bright side: even if you were infected with HIV, you only have a 3% chance of getting full-blown AIDS in the near future. So, unless your DM is running a really long-term campaign (we’re talking 5 or 10 years in game-time), then you don’t have much to worry about. Sure, your character will probably die, but you’ll have most likely moved on to new characters and campaigns by then.

Now, I’m assuming either your DM has decided the disease can’t be magically healed, or else you don’t currently have access to a healer, so if you do end up needing immediate treatment for the disease, here’s some tips:

You’ll have to begin making Fortitude saves and Heal checks against the disease, so consider these Feats for the future: Great Fortitude, Self-Sufficient, and Skill Focus: Heal.

As for the water, if you have a Cleric, Druid or Paladin in your party and they don’t yet have the Create Water spell, they should learn it as soon as possible. It won’t just benefit you, but everyone else as well.

Additionally, if someone can learn spells that will benefit you, you might try and convince them to do so. Bribes of treasure and gold can do a world of good in these types of situations, or in the case of a Lawful Good suck-up, just remind them that they don’t have a choice because they made a lame character without any freewill.

Beyond this there’s not a whole lot more I can offer, except to say (and I don’t suggest this lightly at all), maybe you should find a new DM. This guy and/or girl sounds like a total asshat.

Yours Truly,
Master of Dungeons and Life

If you wish to submit a question to the Dungeon Master, please e-mail them to dungeonmastermind@gmail.com, or you can Tweet me a question by hash-tagging me (#askthedm) in your Tweet. And make sure to review the disclaimer.

You can also see me in action in One Die Short.

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