You People Are F%#@ing Crazy!

Once again, I have no questions to answer, so this week I decided to do something fun in honor of Ask the Dungeon Master‘s almost-one-year anniversary (I started last May).  If you were not aware of this, WordPress has this nifty page you can view that will show you all of the search terms people have used to find your blog, and you people are fucking weird.

Keep in mind these are in order of popularity and all of them had more than one person search for them.  So, if you’ve ever searched for any of these things, just feel good knowing your not alone.  And now, here are my top 20 favorite search terms of the past year:

  1. Sexy Orcs/Orc sex
    This one is amazingly popular.  Orcs are not sexy.  Orc sex is not sexy.  They’re hideous monstrosities.  Like this one:

    Taken from Bootae’s Bloody Blog.  To be fair though, I did write a blog about sexy Orcs.
    __________________________________________________________
  2. How to alienate yourself
    This one is awesome.  I’m just glad to see so many other people hate the human race enough that they’re willing to try their best to cut themselves off from it.
    __________________________________________________________
  3. Sexy D&D
    Yes it is.  But why does this come up when you search for it:

    Also, someone buy this for me when I have a baby.  Available at jinx.com.
    ___________________________________________________________
  4. Girl geek dark room
    This one creeps me the fuck out.  Also Hot Geek Girls/Geek Boobs are equally as popular as this, and while still somewhat creepy, less reminiscent of serial killers.

    This was the least offensive image that came up for Hot Geek Girl.
    __________________________________________________________
  5. Hanging rocks from penis/man hanging from penis/hanging penis, etc. There were way to many variations on this to list.  I mainly want to know what a hanging penis is.  Is it for my Christmas Tree?

    The answer is yes.  And you can purchase one from Stiletto Studio on Etsy.
    ____________________________________________________________
  6. Naked penises
    I don’t even know what the hell this means.  When is a penis not naked?  There’s a Zen mediation for you.
    _____________________________________________________________
  7. The Element Bromine
    I’m just happy I get some people genuinely interested in learning coming to my website so I can fill them with misinformation.
    _____________________________________________________________
  8. Badger piercing
    Why are you people piercing your Badgers!?  Leave the poor beasts alone.  As if they weren’t already the world’s most pissed off animal.

    ______________________________________________________________
  9. Sophisticated hot woman
    I’m just glad she’s sophisticated.  At least some of you people want something more than boobs.
    ______________________________________________________________
  10. A naeced girl
    You people are either morons, or you’re 4.  Either way, stop it.  Unless of course you’re searching for a female member NAECED:

    That’s totally okay then.  As long as she’s not also naked.
    ____________________________________________________________
  11. Fat girls can be hot
    Yes they can.  And Leonard Nimoy knows it.
    ____________________________________________________________
  12. Beautiful geek men
    Stop objectifying me ladies.  I’m more than just a sexy Geek.

    Who am I kidding?  No I’m not.
    __________________________________________________________
  13. Gross girls
    I feel like these had to be third graders.  Stop using the internet, children.
    __________________________________________________________
  14. Decent kind girl
    This one’s just cute.  There’s hope for humanity yet.
    __________________________________________________________
  15. Naked drow/Hot drow, etc.
    Surprisingly, this is much less popular than sexy Orcs, and that disturbs me greatly.

    Art by Soulchan.  I have to be honest.  I don’t have a vagina, but I’m pretty sure that’s not comfortable.
    _____________________________________________________________
  16. D&D sex pic
    Does this mean people having sex while playing D&D?  Because if so, that adds a whole new layer to roleplaying in the bedroom.  And then there’s this.
    _____________________________________________________________
  17. Monster creature sex fantasy cock chainmail
    Whaaaaaaaaaat?  I refuse to even google this.  But if you do, let me know how it turns out for you.
    _____________________________________________________________
  18. Naked gross old lady
    Another one I choose to skip.  Not that naked old ladies are inherently gross.  But I don’t want to see gross pictures of anyone.
    _____________________________________________________________
  19. Standing penis/Eiffel penis/Penis mountain/Schoolyard penis
    The most disturbing one of these is Schoolyard Penis.  It terrifies me, because I can once again only assume it was a small child, or a pedophile.  However, Penis Mountain is awesome:

    Taken from ChinaSMACK.___________________________________________________________
  20. Meaning of penis
    This one is my favorite, because it really can’t have been queried by anyone but a 1st grader?  Right?  I mean, you all know what a penis is?  I think.  Maybe?  Well, just in case, here you go:

    pe·nis [pee-nis] noun, plural pe·nis·es, pe·nes: the male organ of copulation and, in mammals, of urinary excretion.  (Though, I’m pretty sure the plural of penis is peni.)
    ____________________________________________________________And that’s it!  I hope you enjoyed the depravity and strangeness of your fellow Geeks.  I’m still a bit disconcerted by the fact that so many searches for penis end up at my blog.  Do I really talk about penises that much?  I’m going to have to cut back.  However, I am secretly hoping that this blog gets a thousand hits, because it is composed of the most perfect combination of key words ever.Until next time, keep the questions coming! (Seriously, we don’t have any left.)

    If you wish to submit a question to the Dungeon Master, please e-mail them to dungeonmastermind@gmail.com, or you can Tweet me a question @AskthedDM. And make sure to review the disclaimer.

    You can also see me in action in One Die Short.

This entry was posted in Dungeons & Dragons, Fantasy, Geek Culture, General Roleplaying, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to You People Are F%#@ing Crazy!

  1. So you all know, my plan worked, and this blog post has become my most popular, with almost 8,000 hits, more than twice the amount of any of my other most popular blogs. Yay for penis.

  2. Pingback: What Happens When You Disappear from the Internets | Drink Lei Down Pass Out

  3. Grace says:

    Just as an FYI, your blog comes up as the number one result when you plug “Monster creature sex fantasy cock chainmail” into Google. Congrats. 😀

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